Today, is a rainy day.
One of those days you walk in your cheap rain boots across a gum infested parking lot...with a hole in your umbrella, all the while closing your eyes pretending you're in some place better than this place.
Like London...or Boston. Some place that just sounds cool when you ask someone where they're from and they reply in that accent, "Bawstun."
One of those days you could go to a film all by yourself and be completely fine, or stare out the window of a coffee shop and pretend your reflection is your company, carrying on all sorts of conversation about politics and the weather.
It's one of those days.
A rainy day.
My theme for today is: What gets under my skin.
I like to base my posts off of the first thing that comes to mind when I say this thought aloud to myself. This time, would be change. Of all the annoying noises, people, places on this earth...the one thing that I can not stand is change.
I hate that children grow up. I hate that people leave and start new lives a part from mine.
I hate that the seasons never feel the same or start when they are meant to in Arkansas.
I hate that friendships and love change and grow old and cold; that someone you used to have sleepovers with, giggling and snorting over boys with, pinky-promising with, talking about your weddings together with can slip from your life with one October night.
I hate that a small innocent child can grow up into a beggar or a murderer.
Change is something nobody can control nor understand nor predict.
What I hate the most about change...is that it is completely unpredictable.
Something that I cling to is predictability. Schedule.
Some things never change, yet they do.
Me and my husband Matt will always love each other and have since I was just a 15 year old frizzy haired kid...but that love WILL change, in fact, it already has. It's matured, it's become more sturdy, more unconditional than that of a whimsical teen.
Change is also either good or bad or neither; which also drives a girl like me nuts. I'm a black or white, right or wrong, yes or no, stay or go...kind of girl. And change is just this thing that does what it wants when it wants like some spoiled child.
Dear change, you get under my skin....and I think you are absolutely rotten.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
What inspires me.
So, I guess each day I should theme my posts so I don't just ramble.
Today...my theme will be what inspires me.
The first thing I can think of that catches my soul on fire...is music. Which, doesn't even really make sense for someone like me; because, ironically, I am no musician.
I don't wear band t-shirts or go to concerts. I don't play even the flute. I took piano lessons for a few years in middle school and junior high but was never any good. In fact, now I probably couldn't even play Mary Had a Little Lamb.
I think it's the sounds, the beats, the way it makes me sway, laugh, wiggle, tap my fingers to it.
It can make me want to cry...it can make me want to scream at the top of my lungs because the words reflect so much of my heart, I no longer feel alone in the world.
Music about my Savior can make me want to go give all the clothes off my back to a stranger in the cold. Music about love can make me want to re-marry my husband, take him to the first place we kissed, and sometimes jump off a bridge in the dark.
Music can make me want to revolve the way I move, walk, run, even smile...to it's beat. It is the most influential thing to my subconscious.
Music can take me back to when I was 14 and full of innocent vulnerability to love.
It can take me back to a night where I clung to the threads of my bedroom carpet, screaming at someone, I wasn't sure who at that point.
Music can guide me, advise me, and captivate me more than any silly book.
Music is a way of crying when I don't want to actually let myself go enough to really do it.
Music inspires me to feel; the one thing I hate to do the most.
Music inspires me to try; though I fear failure.
I may not know how to play a guitar,
but music knows my soul is quite the musician when it wants to be.
Today...my theme will be what inspires me.
The first thing I can think of that catches my soul on fire...is music. Which, doesn't even really make sense for someone like me; because, ironically, I am no musician.
I don't wear band t-shirts or go to concerts. I don't play even the flute. I took piano lessons for a few years in middle school and junior high but was never any good. In fact, now I probably couldn't even play Mary Had a Little Lamb.
I think it's the sounds, the beats, the way it makes me sway, laugh, wiggle, tap my fingers to it.
It can make me want to cry...it can make me want to scream at the top of my lungs because the words reflect so much of my heart, I no longer feel alone in the world.
Music about my Savior can make me want to go give all the clothes off my back to a stranger in the cold. Music about love can make me want to re-marry my husband, take him to the first place we kissed, and sometimes jump off a bridge in the dark.
Music can make me want to revolve the way I move, walk, run, even smile...to it's beat. It is the most influential thing to my subconscious.
Music can take me back to when I was 14 and full of innocent vulnerability to love.
It can take me back to a night where I clung to the threads of my bedroom carpet, screaming at someone, I wasn't sure who at that point.
Music can guide me, advise me, and captivate me more than any silly book.
Music is a way of crying when I don't want to actually let myself go enough to really do it.
Music inspires me to feel; the one thing I hate to do the most.
Music inspires me to try; though I fear failure.
I may not know how to play a guitar,
but music knows my soul is quite the musician when it wants to be.
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