Women Christian Men Should Not Marry and other Fire Breathing Dragons

I recently stumbled upon a real knee-slapper of an article written by a fundamentalist preacher, entitled "10 Women Christian Men Shouldn't Marry." 

Here's a sample. Take notes guys this is futile. 

2. The Divorcee. Jesus clearly taught that unless the first marriage ended due to a partner’s sexual infidelity, a second marriage is to be considered invalid and adulterous.  A divorced woman, therefore, is off limits for a Christian man–unrepentant adultery being a sin that prevents one from obtaining eternal life (1 Cor 6:9).  “If she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:12). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

4. . The Feminist.  There’s no room within Christendom for the “Christian feminist.”  Though women and men have equal value in the eyes of God (Gal 3:28), they certainly have different God-given roles.  Any woman who tries to usurp her husband’s authority or even claims to be a co-leader with her man is gravely dishonoring the God who created her to be subject and obedient to her husband (Eph 5:22, Col 3:18, 1 Pet 3:1).   Eve was distinctly created “for” man, a point that the apostle Paul makes abundantly clear in 1 Corinthians 11 when he writes, “For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.” (1 Corinthians 11:8-9).  Men, your wife is to be your “helper” (Gen 2:18)–not your leader and certainly not your equal in terms of authority.  Look for a woman who agrees with you in this very vital God-ordained relational dynamic

7. The Childbirth Avoider. Do not marry a woman who is not willing to have children of her own.  In the Christian worldview, there is absolutely no room for two married, biologically capable, human beings to remain intentionally child-less.  If you are adverse towards having children, then there’s a simple remedy for that: single-hood.   However, if God has called you to marriage, then He actually expects children.  Both the New and Old Testaments are very clear on this teaching: “Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15).  “Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control” (1 Timothy 2:15).

Want to read more from this genius? This is the full spankin list:  

http://nycpastor.com/2014/12/29/10-women-christian-men-should-not-marry/

Ahem, anyway. 

First of all, we can all agree this guy is a total arse. 

This New York City pastor goes on to abuse scripture stating that among these women christian men should avoid include those who desire to travel. 

If this pastor found his ideal wife, we may never know...shes most likely sticking her cranium into an oven and studying proverbs 31 with a magnifying glass...

Or the more likely option- harvesting male genitals somewhere in Europe.

Let me be the first to raise my hand in the room, letting everyone know that yeah dude, I'm divorced. According to this bro, I am the untouchable of all things holy. You should probably just go back to where you came from because I'm currently growing horns, doomed for all eternity and I possibly breathe fire and burn bibles in my spare time. 

This guy is basically telling Christians to slap the scarlet A on every divorcee's chest, throw them to the lepers  

and get the hell away from them. 

What does jesus do with adulterers?

Ummm...he kicks the religious rock throwers in the balls and tells her to get up, brush that shiz off and start living life differently. 

Moving on...ah, child bearers. All fellas better back away from me because I'm not popping babies out anytime soon, more like ever. 

Even notice the author uses the phrase, "of her own," totally discarding a woman who only wants to foster, adopt or something really crazy-help raise someone's else's child as her own. 

Not surprising coming from a fundamentalist, but to take a portion out of context for his personal use, so literally that he implies women are SAVED through childbearing. 

I'm officially damned 2X over. 

Dang it. 

The feminist theory I will avoid touching on too much, as I will most likely begin breathing fire again and setting things ablaze.

Bail money is just not in my current budget. 

I am a Christian woman, but I do see me and my husband as EQUALS. 

*Le gasp*

He is my protector, a provider, but submission is often twisted behind the pulpit and again we take the word "for" a man so literally, we begin to place women in an apron and slap her on a shelf where she "belongs." 

I was made FOR one "being"-the Creator, Who has no gender...because divine cannot be confined to things like masculine or feminine. 

So...just avoid women with brains, with drive, with control of her own uterus and you'll pretty much be safe. 

I can just shorten the list for you here: 

1. Women who want their own identity. 

The Step Mom Chronicles; Finding Your Place.

I remember when our oldest had to be rushed to the Emergency room, bleeding immensely from his upper lip.
Jarrod hurried to his side as soon as he heard the cry and acted not only quickly, but logically.
As a father he didn't think twice about letting his hands form a cup for his son's blood to pour into over the cold wooden floor. 

I stood there, wide eyed and puzzled; feeling like a puzzle piece myself.
I was one of those frustrating puzzle pieces with strange, jagged edges that is so ambiguous you can't quite fit it anywhere you try to force it. 

Where did I fit into this equation?
Should I hold him?
Should I close my eyes and try to cup the blood myself? 

Before I could even react, Jarrod had swooped him up and made it half way down the highway. 
What did I do?
I cleaned up the blood.
I wiped the floor.
I wiped the walls of the bathroom.
I cleaned up the wreckage.

I threw the dishcloth into the washer, put the other boys to bed and then stood in front of my bathroom mirror. 
I was a mess. 
I looked like a frantic idiot, but had his blood all over my knees and on my shirt. 

As a step-mother (or bonus mom, as we like to call it-I can't get over the whole Cinderella gig) you're going to get blood on you. 

You're like a new culinary student, trying hard to please your professor, your peers and even yourself with your incredible abilities. 
You are trying to be a pro, but your hands are covered in band-aids from constantly chopping yourself up. 

The good news?
Everyone else's fingers are covered in bandages too, even the professor's.

I know we often feel like that jagged puzzle piece I mentioned earlier. 
We are constantly trying to shove our way into an empty place, only to get booted out again because we don't quite fit. 

You have a corner jutting out here, a curve where there should be a corner there and oh, are you even from this puzzle box? 
I think you got mixed in by mistake. 

That. 

It's easier to feel that way than to keep trying to fit into places you're told you don't belong into-either by someone else or yourself.

It's easy to listen to your voice, the world's voice, a biological parent's voice over the Truth's voice. 
Why are we listening to anyone but the One who created the concept of family in the first place? 
Um, hello.
What does He have to say?

John 10:10"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

We often apply scriptures like this to HUGE spiritual battles and we may not feel like our roles as step parents are included in that, but what bigger battle ground is there than the one in our own home, our own heart?

The enemy comes to steal your confidence as a step parent, kill unity in any way he can and to destroy the peace in your home, your family and within yourself. 

The good news? 

You have the biggest, baddest dude drawing the sword out for you. 

Psalm 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,  though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah"

First of all, boom.

Right? 

Even if the earth is blown to smithereens, God is saying, "Yo, I got you. Just Chill and watch me handle this." 

Okay, maybe that's from the New International Britney Version, but you get the idea. 

And the word Selah? Though an exact interpretation has never been pinpointed, it is often said to be a break in a song, a word telling you to "stop and listen" or "stop and think on that."

So do it. 

Stop.

Listen.

Meditate on that. 

The last bit of good news? 

You are right, you don't fit into that puzzle.

How is that good news? 

That old puzzle was broken. Half the pieces are missing from the box.

That puzzle was split down the middle and was incomplete.

You are a piece from a brand new box.

That box holds the puzzle only you can complete. 

Get to it. 

Put On Your Dancing Shoes

I have known what was on my heart to write to kick off this new year, I just hadn't discovered how to convey it in the proper way. 

We all do New Year's resolutions, or goals. Maybe you just focus on one single word for that year. 

This year, I haven't found what I want to add to my life, but I have found things I want to take away. 

Last night I attended a beautiful wedding reception filled with fancy dresses, high heels and bow ties around young mens' necks. 
Me and my husband made our way onto the dance floor as a slow song began to make its way into the air.

I rested my head onto his shoulder and my gaze lined up with a young girl in the middle of the floor. 
She was wearing a white tulle dress with fake flowers embedded in her flowing blonde hair. 

Nobody was around her. 
She didn't appear to belong to anyone but herself. 
Her shoes were nowhere to be found as her feet made love with the wooden panels below her. 
She was spinning,waving her arms over her head and cared less about the fact that I was staring at her dancing there all alone.

I smiled and observed her practice her grooviest moves for an audience of one. 

My face dropped as amusement soon turned to sadness when I realized she would one day not be so free to move on the dance floor, barefooted and ignorant to the stares of others.

She would grow up and begin to care. 
She would grow up and begin to know her hair was frizzy, her feet exposed and she would soon grow older and begin to scrutinize how her body looked in that beautiful tulle dress. 

So I watched her dance while she could.
I was a little jealous honestly; I had already lost that part of me long ago.
The part that will hit the dance floor alone, having a party of one, hair down and unaware of anything physical about myself but the feeling of my feet moving to the beat.

When had I lost that? 

When had I traded my dancing shoes for shame and embarrassment?
I had somehow misplaced the dancing shoes I had slipped off to cut loose and when leaving the floor put on body shaming instead.

Last night I decided I wanted to leave that behind in 2015.
I want to leave shaming myself and others for what they bring to the dance floor behind. 

No more changing ten times, leaving my closet looking like the mall threw up. 
No more pulling and tugging at shirts.
No more missing out on the best dancing songs life has to offer because I'm afraid to take my frizzy hair down and cut my body loose.

Every body is made for dancing.
Size 00 to 20, a girl should dance when her song comes on.

I have heard body shaming on every side, from telling a thin girl she needs to go "eat some meat" to telling a plus size woman she should be on a treadmill.

I can't make the world stop the shaming, but I can start a movement by beginning with myself first. 
A beautiful thing happens when a woman shows others she's not afraid or ashamed of her body.

Honey, find your dancing shoes. I know they're buried in that closet somewhere.
Cut loose. 

You weren't designed to be a wallflower at your own party.

It's a new year and it's time to get the hell off that wall and not care who's looking.
Bust out your best moves, bust through the barriers you built for yourself because your main jam just came on.

Leave body shaming behind.

Put on your dancing shoes.