I see now that friendship was always toxic, but at the time I was absolutely heart broken.
My heart literally hurt that someone could believe such a dangerous thing about the Jesus I had come to know; it hurt more that it was someone that had also seen sin and then tasted redemption.
"God is not going to bless you. He will not bless your marriage. He will not bless your future."
The enemy is real, friends.
He wants you to believe that you are useless, damaged goods.
He wants you to believe that you have crossed the line of damnation.
He wants you to believe that your Creator stops pursuing you after betraying Him with a soft kiss.
He wants you to hear the words of anyone but Jesus, because he knows if you stop for just one moment to listen to another voice, he can distract you from the Truth.
The Truth is that Jesus overcame; He has overcome everything about who you were and who you are.
The Truth is that Jesus can use anyone he pleases to; He can even use you.
A prostitute, a drug addict, an adulterer, a drunkard, an atheist.
He can use them.
The Truth is that Jesus will never stop chasing after your heart, even when you curse Him and spit at Him.
Even when you hate Him.
Even when you disobey Him.
Even when you run from Him as hard and as fast as you can, He will already be waiting for you when you are too weary to run anymore.
The Truth is that you are so screwed up that you even think you can save yourself.
The Truth is that you are so filthy you can't even see how any massive amount of grace can wash you clean.
The Truth is: God isn't done with you.
I could have listened to the words of my old friend that day.
I could have lived in constant shame and lived life declining God's callings because some lady told me I could never be blessed again.
That's funny to me, anyway.
Blessed? You think that's what this is all about?
Just blessings?
That is not the aim of this race we run, friend.
If anyone tries to tell you living for Christ is to live a "blessed" life, they do not know what it is to truly pick up their cross and follow.
Secondly, no man can say when God removes His blessing and who deserves restoration.
When thick crimson danced on the Savior's brow, there were no paragraphs of fine print.
When Mercy's bodily fluids splashed against splintered logs, there were no prenuptial agreements.
He gave it all.
To you.
To me.
To everyone.
He's not leaving you and He doesn't begin packing up His belongings when you are unfaithful to Him time and time again.
He's here to stay.
You've got the ring.
Even if you throw it into the depths of unbelief, He will find it again and vow His love to you all over again.
Friends, He's not finished with you.
You can have a life spent learning, stumbling to follow Him.
He can use you.
He can put you back into full time ministry again!
He can give you a beautiful, Godly marriage despite your mess!
He can heal your broken relationships.
He can pluck you from a prostitutes arms and put you into a pulpit.
He can snag you from that bridge's edge and set you on His lap and fill you with true joy.
You will never be damaged enough that the Renewer of all things can not use you.
He can.
He can.
He can.
I give my sheep eternal life. They will never die, and no one can take them out of my hand. My Father is the one who gave them to me, and he is greater than all. No one can steal my sheep out of his hand. (John 10:28-29 ERV)
