The face of an acquaintance waits with anticipation and curiosity as I try to get my latte as quickly as possible and get the hell out of there.
"Well, actually, I'm working on my writing degree and photography career, so never really."
Then the face happens.
The, "If you're not going to procreate and bake pies and wax the floors...who will?" face.
It's my favorite, really.
I have actually grown to enjoy the reactions I receive when I practically tell people bold-faced that I ovulate bricks.
Some people are totally awesome, telling me that they are cheering me on in my endeavors to be a free bird, others, not so much.
I'm here to tell you about the truth in chosen childlessness.
Every woman who chooses not to have children also has her own reason, so I'm not here to put the umbrella affect into place.
I'm here to mainly explain why asking women when they're going to start procreating isn't okay.
Maybe you have, but I have never, not even once, heard someone ask a male when they were going to start attempting to produce children.
Why?
You don't ask men those questions.
When a man hits his twenties, society doesn't ask him about picking out baby names.
We ask him about his education plans and his career plans.
When a woman hits her twenties, she instantly becomes bombarded with questions of wedding chapels and burp cloths.
Why is that, reader?
How broken is our societal structure that we are still (though not as extreme as before) in the mindset that a young man should be furthering his education, while a woman is trying to bare children and stay confined to the walls of the home?
Just a short warning here: I am not knocking on mothers or women who stay home for some time with their young children. I was a raised by a woman just like that and she was the best mother I could have ever had and raised me to be the independent-minded woman that I am.
What I am knocking, is the idea that all women who have a womb should want to procreate and that if they're not or even worse, they don't want to, that something is seriously wrong.
I wish I could tally up the times I get asked in one week alone why I don't want to have a baby, just to show you to what degree this problem has actually gotten to.
I have something to say to all of you who continue to push, prod and question continuously why, whyyyyyyyyy I wouldn't want to have a baby?
In reality, it's none of your damn business, but to be politically correct here, I uh, just don't want to.
Considering this answer hasn't seemed to suffice your societal norms, here we are.
I am focused on creating other things besides children and that's okay.
For me.
And many other women out there.
Many women make great mothers, seriously. So many of my dearest friends are mothers and they freaking rock that role. I am a step-mother to three amazing kiddos, but , I'm not their mother. I don't want to be their mother. The role I play in their lives suits me perfectly.
I feel there are categories of women and it's important you know which category you fit into, for yourself.
1. The mother.
2. The Auntie/Bonus Momma.
3. The woman who shouldn't be allowed within 500 miles of a child.
Now, number three should be in prison, but aside from her, both number two's and three's are equally important in making our culture and society go round. Know which category you fit into, not the category your mom who so desperately wants to be a grandmother wants you to fit into or your friends, family, whoever else tells you that you should fit into.
Fit into where you feel you belong.
Do I feel that I might regret not having a baby?
No.
Even if I did, the possibility of maybe having a feeling of regret, isn't enough reason to have a child.
Do I ever look at a baby and have a twinge of a maybe?
No.
I often tilt my head and wonder what my dog is currently doing.
We live in a world that is slowly progressing to full equality among the sexes, yet the expectation of every womb being filled is still towering over many of us.
We shouldn't feel guilt, shame or confusion for making the choice not to have children.
On the contrary, we should feel empowerment and freedom in our own choice.
Not every woman was designed to raise children just because she has a uterus and I'm one of those women.
Stop asking women what they are going to do with their own bodies.
Ask them about their minds.
Ask them about their dreams.
I am a woman and I don't need to have a child to be a complete human being.
Also, every woman must find her own path to living a fulfilled life and for many women that is to raise a family.
For me, I do live an overflowing life and feel no need to add to it or to take away.
Writing fulfills me daily, a career which I feel takes a lot of your heart, your time and your focus.
Many, many women writers never even marry, much less have children, due to the nature of the career and what it demands of us mentally and emotionally.
I know that even though I am not procreating, I know that I still create things every day as a writer.
I know that even though I will never birth a child, I will birth new ideas and changes.
I am complete.
I am whole.
I am free.
I am proud.
My body.
My choice.
So, if you truly want to respect women, stop asking us when we plan to make use of our wombs and start asking us about our passions.
“Everybody with a womb doesn’t have to have a child any more than everybody with vocal cords has to be an opera singer.”-Gloria Steinem
