I know you wouldn't understand this because your memory is beautifully impeccable, but many of our past memories get blurry, mostly blurred together. What night did that happen? What was I driving then? Why did I choose the creme dress over the red dress, or was it the other way around?Yet some memories are still so vivid that I sometimes forget they happened years ago, like I just arrived home from smelling fresh lake water or you kissing my toes fresh from my favorite shoes? Remember that one? You had me pull over into the gravel just to bend down and kiss my dirty feet. I felt more adored in that moment than ever before.
But the night with the green lightening. That night I remember above all the rest. Did you even kiss me? I don't know. We probably held hands, but even that I don't recall.
I remember the green lightening.
The wind was rocking my cheap Honda and I was afraid. You could see it. You always knew when I was afraid. I never wanted to tell you, though. I wanted to you to think I was fine all of the time on my own. That's just not true. For anyone.
The lake water was splattering on my windshield and my palm sweat drenched the steering wheel. You brushed my cheek and said you would follow me home.
No. I'm fine.
Okay. Are you sure?
You followed me home anyway. You ignored my reassurance because you knew otherwise and you followed me the entire way,
Driving I noticed we were chasing the green lightening down every deserted back road, trees like goblins eating on power lines and leaves diving into our windshields like dead black birds.
You pulled in front of my car and chased the green lightening far from me, taking the blow of branches and limbs.
You have always taken the blow and always tried your best to chase the lightening far from me and my tranquil world.
You have always followed me home when I reassured you that I'm fine on my own.
You have always kissed gravel lot toes and sweaty palms.
I think that night is when I really fell in love with you; when you saw the softness and vulnerability through my strength.
I couldn't fool you. I couldn't get around you or away from you.
I could have written you a card, given you meaningless stale chocolates or a balloon that will pop or deflate next week.
That's not enough for you, green lightening chaser. Toe kisser. Piggy back ride giver.
You deserve much more than I could give. All I can give is me.
But that's always been enough for you.
We're enough.
Thank you for always chasing green lightening so that my world is never disturbed, for taking the blows of branches and stray limbs so they never reach me.
I love you. Happy Valentine's Day.
