Cringe.
It's a hard day for many, including stepmothers.
I won't sugar coat it for you reader, being a stepmom is hard and often an unrecognized, thankless job. We're seen more as glorified babysitters than mothers and typically are hanging out behind the curtain or the backseat to parenting.
Some weeks we are doing "too much", taking on duties that are labeled "BIO PARENT ONLY PLEASE", while others we're not doing enough, rather that be discipline wise or other.
It's a hard balance and many step-parents decide to become more apathetic as time goes on because they feel they can never measure up or even measure down to what is desired from them.
Some families live in an ideal divorced situation, with both parents separated yet harmonious with one another. They co-parent well, leaving the snarky remarks and manipulation to the junior high hallways. I applaud those families for being selfless enough to put their own ambitions, agendas and grudges aside to band together and love their children in separate homes.
Unfortunately, this is most likely not the case. It's a rarity-like a divorce unicorn. The chances of you finding a smooth divorce or a seamless co-parenting (especially when new spouses are involved) situation is slim to none. The majority have behind the scenes issues, whether it's aired on your news-feed or not.
All that being said, what do you do as a step-parent when you're faced with turmoil and disagreement? What do you do when you are attacked? Do you stand up and fight, lay down like a doormat or withdraw into a lethargic/careless state?
Remember those corny W.W.J.D bracelets we all wore in middle school? Okay, we thought we were cool repping that Jesus Freak movement. Newsflash: we were lame.
Go back to that time with me. No, I don't want you to literally order a W.W.J.D bracelet off of Ebay.
(Though if you're interested...http://www.ebay.com/itm/1-WWJD-W-W-J-D-What-Would-Jesus-Do-woven-wristband-bracelet-C18-/371561394616?var=&hash=item5682c8f1b8:m:mAKB2d246tdUh9-UaaIizog)
Rather, I want you to live that out instead. Pretend it's there on your wrist every time you find yourself in the midst of hatred, turmoil, attacks, harsh and personal words.
Divorce sucks for everyone and ultimately was never in God's design, but we know that He still knew we were a broken world and that the enemy would try to destroy the strongest unit on Earth-family. God saw divorce, he saw the fights, the brokenness, the loneliness of the process and even the re-marriages and gracefully offers us restoration through these new, sometimes dysfunctional blended families.
So, I would suspect if God knew of this brokenness ahead of time, we can assume He has a plan and a response for every trial we face within the aftermath of divorce.
I have received the blunt end of some pretty painful remarks since stepping into this challenging (and beautiful) role as a stepmom. Man ya'll, can I be real here? They hurt. Bad. Like hell, even. They made me question my abilities to help raise three of the most beautiful, kind (and messy) boys you'll ever meet. They made me doubt that I might ever "fit".
I don't know your situation, where you are in your journey of blending a family, but it can be messy momma. You know that. One thing you need to know-you ARE capable. Doubt, shame, guilt, all of these are attacks on you and your family may be coming from a person on this Earth, but they are merely a vessel for the enemy trying to tear apart your strong, spiritual (yes, I said spiritual!) family unit. Don't let it succeed, momma.
Lost? Turn to the Shepherd.
Confused? Turn to the Counselor.
Hurting? Turn to the Ultimate Physician.
Wounded? Turn to the one Who bore stripes for you.
Want to fight back? It's not worth it. I know as step-parents we take the back seat enough already, but momma (or step-dad!), put yourself last. Again.
"In this way the last will be first, and the first will be last."-Matthew 20:16
Who likes this verse, anyway? Nobody. It sucks. It's hard. Who wants to be last? I don't. I don't like getting picked last, or being last in line for food on Thanksgiving. I like winning! I like to be the leader, the front of the pack!
Jesus says, "No. Go to the back of the line. Be the last to get served. Be last."
You know how you're putting everyone before yourself? Keep doing it. Would you rather win an argument on Earth or build up treasures in heaven? Sometimes being "right" isn't always right.
Keep trucking. Keep loving. Keep balancing. Keep lavishing grace. Keep looking at that lame (stylish) W.W.J.D bracelet and go to the back of the line with humility. Keep storing up treasures.
Keep being you, because that's enough already.
