Before I start, pardon any grammar mistakes. When God laid this blog on my heart I was in my car driving on the freeway, therefore I'm typing this blog from my smart phone because I couldn't wait to share my heart.
Lately my heart has been breaking for all my beautiful friends who don't see themselves like I do. Today, any size over a size zero isn't "beautiful." Even though I will focus on eating disorders some in this blog, it's not my main point. My point is confidence. I don't care if you're a size one or a size 21, that no longer matters.
The number inside your jeans, the number that makes your stomach drop when it appears on your scale every morning, isn't what I see when I look at you. You don't have a huge 14 stamped on your forehead for the entire world to see.
Some of the most beautiful women I've had the pleasure of knowing in my life, the ones who have poured the most into my heart...are full-figured, God-fearing and healthy women!
When I look at these women, the ones who have shown me God's love, I don't see the size of their waist; I see beauty. I see wisdom. I see Christ.
A woman can walk into a room I'm in, it doesn't matter if she's 100 pounds in Chanel, or 200 pounds in pajamas...if she walks into that room with purpose and confidence, I'm naturally drawn to her. I naturally want whatever she is possessing: unwavering confidence!
Let me let you in on another secret: MEN LOVE a confident woman! It's attractive!
Now let me clarify I'm not beating everyone else up and claiming I have all the confidence in the world, because that would be a big fat lie.
This issue is so very dear to my heart because I was that woman, and honestly at time I still am when I'm not completely relying and trusting in my Creator. I can openly and (not proudly) but in confidence say I struggled with body image and eating disorders from 9th grade until last year. For 6 years my weight was flying around all over the board. I would have a spell of struggling and then be okay. Off and on off and on.
This struggle was once a secret I felt guilty to admit, but now, God has shown me that I should never be ashamed of something that He has gracefully and miraculously pulled me out of. On the contrary, I should be rejoicing and sharing the good news!
Today I am six months scale sober. Sounds crazy right? Today marks six months since I last stepped on a scale to be discouraged or disappointed! For the first time in over 6 years, I have no idea what I weigh. And it's freaking awesome feeling.
Many people don't understand my love of running. I do enjoy exercise and how it makes me feel. I love eating right and taking care of the body God entrusted me with. But, one of the reasons I love running so much is that God took something and disguised it as healing. When I run and train so hard, I feed my body right. I take care of myself because if I don't it could literally destroy my chances of success at a race or marathon that I've been training so hard for.
God planted a seed in me. He works in mysterious ways, and for me, He took running and lit a desire for it in me. There is a bigger picture with God. Always.
When we suffer, like I did with feeling inadequate and unbeautiful, He had all the women who are close to my heart who are currently suffering in mind. He had this blog in mind. God could have taken that struggle from me and I could have never struggled with my self image my entire life and been just fine...BUT! His desire for my healing was not as great as His desire for the bigger picture. Which has brought Him more glory? My suffering which turned into a witness of His grace to other women? Or me never suffering at all and having it easy?
CONFIDENCE is beautiful!
Instead, your beauty should consist of your true inner self, the ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of the greatest value in God's sight. (1 Peter 3:4 GNT)