Dirty Kisses and Forgiveness.

I had just written 3/4 of a completely different blog and my power became unplugged.
I lost it all.
I was avoiding writing about what God told me to write about.
See what I put up with?

So, here God.
Have it Your way.

As many of you know,  I work with toddlers at a childcare center.
I think the main response I get when telling people my occupation is: " Oh my...I could not do your job."
Many people just see the screaming, snot and diaper changing when they see my job.

They probably walk in on me with half my hair missing, chasing some two year old around the room with a broom in one hand and butt wipes in the other.
I do clean a lot of snotty noses.
I change dirty diapers.
I wipe tears from dirt-stained faces.
I get frustrated.
I get angry, even.

But if that's what you see, you have missed it.
Big time.

You have missed the hugs, the kisses, the "I missed you Bwitney!" i get in the mornings.
You have missed the dancing, the laughing, the story-telling.
Most of all, you have missed the incredible, confusing, offensive display of love I am slapped in the face with every day.

I hate when me and a child are arguing.
I hate disciplining.
It is the least favorite part of my job.
I hate putting them in time out and seeing their tears just roll and roll.
It is annoying, but it's always hard to see the same face that lit up when walked in the room turn to disgust or distain.

Yet, they get over it.
It does not matter what I did to that kid that day or how at odds we were with each other that day, when the day comes to an end they are sitting on my lap, playing with my hair and stroking my face.

This week at work me and a small girl in my class were at it all day.
She just would not listen.
She made the corner her home that day.
I was so frustrated.
I pulled her into the time out chair over and over again and kept having to raise my voice at her for her to even pay any attention to instruction.

She glared at me with her folded arms and swollen eyes.
In that moment you would have thought I was the most disgusting woman she had ever met.
I took away her toys, I embarrassed her in front of her friends, I separated her from everyone else.

May seem like nothing to us, but to a two year old that's pretty much the worse day of their life.

You want to know what that disgruntled, disgusted two year old said to me at the end of my work day?

"I love you Bwitney. I'll see you tomorrow!"
She climbed in my lap, hugged my neck and gave me a dirt/frosting kiss on the cheek.

God likes to teach me lessons in strange ways.
Most of our conversations are on car rides, runs, or while I'm knodding off to sleep.
Most of the deepest snippets of wisdom He allows me to snatch up are not in a sanctuary blaring from a pulpit, but from the mouth of babes.

Guilt immediately swept all over me when this child reacted with love, grace and forgiveness without a second thought.

I heard I was supposed to have this thing called "child like faith" from the get go.
But what in the heck did that mean to me?
Blind faith?
No thanks.

I'm a natural skeptic.

This is where God does a face palm and says, "Britney, no. I want you to love like a child. I want you to forgive like a child. I want you to be like that child was to you today when all you did was scold them and they loved you still."

Duh.
Biggest fail.
Today we are taught to "forgive but to never forget."
That is not what Jesus taught.

When He cast our sins as far as the east is from the west He meant He did exactly like that.
He didn't hang on the cross and say, "Well, I'll forgive you but I'll remember this when handing out crowns of gold later."

No.
No.
No.

I missed the mark on this one, guys.
In the wake of recent life events, many people have slapped me in the face.
Instead of turning the other cheek, instead of forgiving and casting the pain they caused as far as I could from me, I dwelt.
I held contempt.
I couldn't let go of the fact that they "took away my toys."

I do not forgive with ease, and even when I do I keep a nugget of resentment with me just in case.

Something sparked when I received that frosting kiss on my face.
It isn't forgiveness if you don't trash everything with it.
Trash the bitterness.
Trash the resentment.
Trash the mistrust.
Trash the anger.

The wrong done to you may never be made right by the other person.
Thats a hard fact to swallow.
Pride doesn't want to accept that.

Let pride die along with it too.

When you follow Jesus, you give up your rights.
All of them.
The right to be right.
The right to hold on to your pride.
The right to forgive but not forget.

Be a child again.

It doesn't make you naive, it makes you obedient.