The List.

I muted the television.
I closed my eyes and let my face rest on the couch cushion.
I couldn't help it.
The sound coming from the room down the hall was so peaceful; it gave me such rest.

That room is usually a room filled with laughter, yelling, the clanging of toys and the chatter of some electronic device.

Not right now.
Not tonight.

Tonight the only sound resonating down the hall into my heart was the soft, sweet whisper of a man praying over his children.

I went to the bathroom and wiped the tears making my blush smudge.
Why was I so emotional about this? 
It was just a typical bed time prayer.

I hadn't realized that the last memory I had of a bed time prayer was my own; my mother's face hovering over my curly locks, whispering songs to the the Maker.

I remember making a list when I was 12 of all the things I wanted to find in a mate one day (a sunday school teacher's idea, mind you).

Number one?
A man who will hover over my hair like my mother did, making music to Jesus with his prayers.

I got older.
I forgot about the list.

I dated.
I forgot about the list.

I even married.
I forgot about the list.

One day, visiting my parent's church, I looked over to my father as the acoustic guitar made the words of worship dance across the pews like pretty ballerinas.

His hands were open like cups waiting to be filled, lips still and quiet, face at peace and a tear leaped from his eyes.
I followed the tear as it reached his mouth, which now formed a slight smile.

Wow.
That's a memory.
Watching my father worship while my mother sang sweetly by his side, one hand resting on his back.

I wanted that.

In that moment, I remembered the list.
Oh, that damned list!

My soul wept.
My heart was broken.

Through a lot of mistakes, sleepless nights, heart ache, change, growth, pain, Grace, mercy, forgiveness...God threw me on His back, tucked the list into my back pocket and led me to that moment.

I wiped the tears and started laughing.
Just...laughing.
Laughing because of complete and total joy.

This man down the hall was my husband.

He prays for me as I drift to sleep.
He prays for me as he leaves for work.

He hovers over my hair, singing songs to the Maker on my behalf.
He cups his hands to be filled as I lay my head on his shoulder, swaying to the praise of the third Partner in our marriage.

I really screwed up at one point.

God still remembered the list.
He kept it for me, even knowing what would come of me after I wrote it.

You can take what you want from this blog, today.

For me, I would like you to take that God remembers your list.
Whatever your list may be.

Maybe you shot up in your bathroom this morning.

Maybe you got really wasted last weekend.

Maybe your marriage is seriously on the rocks right now.

So what?

At a moment in your life, you made a list, physically or mentally, of a dream.

You may have set the list on fire, ripped it, shredded it, done everything possible to destroy it.

But, God taped it back together for you.

He's holding it out for you.
Sure, it looks a little dirty right now, but He saved it for the day you'd want to read it again.

Take the list back.

I did.