How My Husband Messed Me Up.

Ever so often I would move the dust pan over to where he was in the room.
He would gently move the broom my way, letting cake crumbles grace the pan.

I looked up at the man holding the broom and almost lost my grip on the dust pan.

He was so beautiful in that moment.
That moment of pure servanthood.

He was washing feet as he stacked chairs and rearranged tables for people he had only met hours prior.

He really messes me up sometimes.
The way he moves.
The way he leads me into a room.
The way he shakes a stranger's
hand.

It's such a messy kind of love.
It always has been.
But somehow, God took His dustpan, swept us up and all our mess and did something beautiful.

Magnificent actually.
He broke my heart.
He messed me up.
He saw His child suffer.

I see now-all the suffering, all the guilt, all the shame, confusion & self discovery through raw pain was all leading up to moments like that one.

Moments where I look up and see the man who guides me in every way looking so full of humility.

My husband has broken me.

When I see him, I see Jesus.

I see all the things I aspire to be.

Being by him has shined light onto the darkest corners of my spirit, corners that collected some dirty stuff that I wouldn't let myself see on my own.

Things like impatience, selfishness, a sharp tongue...and the list could go on and on.

My husband did not complete me-he showed me the parts of me that Jesus needed to come in and reshape or destroy completely.

He loves me with the tenderness of the Son, but calls me out on my flesh like the Father.

A spouse who loves you will not let you remain where you are.
They will lift you up on their shoulders so you can see and touch how far you can actually go.

They will be your eyes when you are blinded by bitterness and your bridge -maker when you come across rough waters.

I have seen my husband stand on a stage and preach behind a pulpit, but he has never looked more like Jesus than today-washing feet, sweeping a floor, holding a door open in the rain for a stranger.

Stage lights make anyone look great, but washing feet?

That. Makes. God. Look. Beautiful.