Today I had a break down.
You may laugh at the thought of me even considering shedding a tear, but it happened.
By the vending machines.
At my school.
Luckily, I had a ball cap to thrown on so that my peers didn't see the strange, small girl lingering in tears by the snack machine.
I always tell people that if they see me cry, it's some serious crap and it is in their best interest to just walk away.
I felt it coming on multiple times through out the morning, but shook my head and lifted my eyes, ignoring my emotions.
When I was a young girl, I was taught to suck it up. If you weren't dying, there was no need to cry about it.
Don't blame my father, I think having crying girls were a lot for him. I'm a lot like the man and I hate when people cry, so I can sympathize with him as a young father, faced with a teary eyed child.
When one of the boys cries, it's hard not to look at them confused.
I don't cry. It's just not what I do.
But today, it flowed.
All the tears built up from what I thought were broken tear ducts, swarmed in my eyelids.
Why?
I have an amazing family, amazing friends, a house, a job, a thriving business, my health and the light at the end of my college career tunnel is finally visible.
Why?
Because I'm carrying too many plates at once and I think I'm capable.
I am the over-confident server, telling you how much I've got the piling stacks of heavy dishes on my tray, under total control.
You know when you're dining out and you hear a huge CRASH back in the kitchen?
Someone's just dropped their plates.
Today, I dropped my plates.
I have been piling on the plates, telling God I have it all under control.
Telling God that things are going to run on my own time.
Telling God that I don't need to "slow down," because I've got it all under control.
"Did you hear me, God? I've got this, so get out of my way."
I dropped the plates.
When I did, do you want to know what happened?
I bent down to pick up the mess, to shove the broken shards of glass somewhere hidden, so that I could go on my way to begin collecting plates again.
But as I went to go pick it all back up, God said, "No. Put it down. Put it all down."
"What?
Put it down? I'm on a tight schedule here, God. Don't you see that? I have things to do. I have a plan. I have a set plan of what needs to happen in my life and when. My dreams have a deadline to meet. Get out of my way."
"I said no. Put. It. Down. Lay. It. Down. Give it to Me. Give it all to Me. Let Me carry it for awhile. I'll give it back when it's time, but for now...hand it over."
So, I dropped the plates.
All of them.
My graduation schedule.
My relationship with my stepsons.
My marriage.
My job.
My timeline of the growth of my business.
The plan.
My life plan.
All of the plans.
I dropped them. At His feet.
Did I drop them with a stomp of the feet and the pout face of a toddler?
Of course.
It's hard to trade our timing for His.
It's hard to swallow the fact that His timing is always perfect, even when it doesn't feel so perfect at the time.
It probably feels like you're running on a hamster wheel, putting in ten times the work just to stay right where you are.
So stop running.
It's easy for us to share every quote from "The Best Yes" book, but what's not easy is actually living it.
We think we're different.
We're strong.
That's great for other women, but not us.
We can carry all the plates.
We can even do tricks with the plates.
We can balance just fine.
Can you?
I know I can't.
I realized I had a problem of rushing God's timing when I got angry that my college wouldn't let me register for more than 18 hours at a time.
I tried to cheat the system into letting me take seven classes.
SEVEN.
That's not ambition, that's stupidity.
That's me trying to rush.
That's me trying to put the Creator of all time on MY timeline.
I want to be graduated, step mom of the year, have my own photography studio and write best selling novels all in one week.
Another character trait to thank my father for.
When God said, "Slow down," what I heard was, "You can't do it."
Instead, He knows I can do it, that I will do it, but on His perfect timing.
Not Britney's timing.
God explained it to me in a way He knew I would understand.
When I'm out running, I often enjoy running slowly.
I have a lot of speed, but choose not to use it on the regular.
I like to go out slow, taking it all in. I don't like to miss even a morsel of that run.
Running as fast as I could would distract me from some of the most beautiful aspects of the run itself.
His timing is the same.
If I'm constantly running at full speed, what am I sacrificing?
What beautiful things am I missing?
"Slow down" doesn't mean stop.
It means, "Take it easy and take it all in. Don't miss out on your surroundings."
Sometimes God's timing doesn't feel perfect.
Slow down anyway.
Give Him the plates.
You're tired.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time and it hastens to the end [fulfillment]; it will not deceive or disappoint. Though it tarry, wait [earnestly] for it, because it will surely come; it will not be behindhand on its appointed day. Habakkuk 2: 3
He said to them, It is not for you to become acquainted with and know what time brings [the things and events of time and their definite periods] or fixed years and seasons (their critical niche in time), which the Father has appointed (fixed and reserved) by His own choice and authority and personal power. Acts 1: 7
Psalms 27:14 - Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 - To every [thing there is] a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Galatians 6:9 - And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
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