You turn side to side in your bathroom mirror, sucking in and pulling on the loose skin that hugs on your hips.
Sigh. If I just _______, I'd be happy!
Dear Sweet Friends,
Nothing you change about your body is going to bring you happiness or make your life better.
I know it's hard to believe that when you see the fitness ads and all the women are thin, have six pack abs and are jumping for joy over their awesome life and their awesome body and are just oozing with awesomeness! But please hear me out- I have been my unhappiest at my lowest weight. I fit into the pants that I wanted, could wear a bikini with pride, was the friend that constantly got doted on for being the "thin one," but deep down things were amiss. My soul was sad, my mind was tired, my body working hard to fit into a container completely unnatural.
Things in my life were chaotic and somehow I thought that if I controlled food, controlled my pants size and fit into the skinny jeans, that my life would come together and I would find happiness.
Wrong, loves. So, so wrong. It wasn't my pants size I needed to change, it was my circumstances. Whatever your desire is to keep shrinking yourself, step back and re-evaluate why you're doing it, who you're really doing it for and determine if somehow deep down, you're trying to fill a void, mask a heart issue, escape from reality, cover your secret stresses, etc.
Shrinking your waist will never shrink your problems-they will still be there when you're skinny. People won't like you more, he won't love you any differently, she won't be more jealous, your life won't change when the scale changes. Your life will change when you get up and change it yourself.
I'm sorry to tell you that buttoning those pants may give you a temporary high/ satisfaction, but it will not bring you true happiness. Perhaps it's time to look at your heart, your life and find where the unhappiness is stemming from in the first place.
Maybe it's time to lose things that are weighing you down aside from inches-things that will actually make your life lighter and better.
I have been there, sweet friend. You must step away and re-evaluate your motives. Is being healthy and active a positive? OF COURSE! But-it shouldn't rule your life. Exercise, eat good food, go out with friends, drink wine with your husband, belly laugh, swim with your kids, wear dresses and throw your scale to the curb.
How much do I weigh?
Honestly? I have no idea right now. There is no scale in my home. The scale is a reminder of a dark place that I once found myself years ago-a time that I looked to whatever number it decided to spit at me that day to determine my mood, my happiness, my drive. What a sad, lonely place that was! I never want to return there again and I will spend time investing into other women, writing, screaming from the rooftops to others as long as it takes so that they never visit that place, much worse-begin to reside there.
You have to find happiness for yourself, sweet girl. Maybe it's in a new hobby, new friends, or an entirely new life. Maybe it's on the square in your favorite coffee shop once a week, or a new career, a volunteer position to fill your hours.
Living a whole, fulfilling life is happiness. I have drinks with my girlfriends, eat salads but also can devour pizza. I wake up early, drink morning coffee, eat whole foods, laugh at my husband's jokes across the dining room table, kiss my kid's goodnight, read bedtime stories, give piggy back rides, sometimes eat asparagus and sometimes jars of peanut butter. I am happy and lack nothing. I do not deprive myself of life's pleasures-including gelato! (delicioso!)
I don't know who this post was for today; I typically don't post twice in a week. But-for whoever you are, I made the exception. I felt like someone needed to be reminded of her priorities and needed to step back and spend time in meditation about what she wants her life to look like OUTSIDE of her skinny jeans.
So, whoever you are dear-grab a glass of wine, get in that bubble bath, love your body and find your own happiness...wherever that may be.
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